The Mind Twisting Subject of Dateing

I was reading a book the other night that really got me to thinking. The book? "Full Frontal Feminism";The Author?Jessica Valenti; My problem? She's right. Valenti's book explains what a true feminist is and that no matter what others say, women need to stand up, speak up and not put up with shit.  I have spent, lets say twenty years and yes I am being kind to myself, trying to figure out why relationships are so difficult and what could possibly be wrong with me. I have discovered in just a few short chapters of this text that,"Hey! It really isn't all my fault." I have made some stupid choices in men, knowing, going into the relationship that it was wrong for me. However, I was taught growing up certain rules and regulations regarding men. If you slept with them you married them, (check out the "saliva-fouled" suckers, in Valenti's book on page 24), if you love them you married them, if you want to be successful at being a woman.....right. I have decided to take Valenti's road and say,"You know what? A man has never made me successful, he has only brought me down. I choose to live and love my own way, no matter what you might think and if you don't like it you can kiss my femmy arse. I wish this book had been available to me years ago, I wouldn't have had to struggle so much with the way I was thinking and the way "they" were. I would have been better off. I am not saying that loving and being in a relationship is not important, I am saying that loving and being in a relationships does not make you important.

Nature vs. Nurture: Baby I'm scared

     Is it possible that the little tiny bundle of joy you are holding in your arms could be suffering from depression? Is it possible that the fit throwing and leg hugging that goes on when you drop your toddler off at pre-school is social-anxiety and not the huge embarassing act caused by "the terrible two's"? According to the article "Smal Child, Big Worries" in the March 21,2011 edition of TIME MAGAZINE, it may just be that your darling baby is depressed.
    The continuous debate on nature vs. nurture has crossed most peoples lips at one point or another in a conversation or debate. It states in this article that children raised in orphanages or abusive households have enlarged amygdala, the amygdala governs fear and alarm emotions in humans and therefore, would imply that the child has more worries or fears than what you would think a child would have. "Genes do play a role, paricularly in depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder, which have high degrees of heritability. But experiences matter in myriad ways. Babies living with depressed mothers, for example, have poorer exploratory skill and flatter affects than other kids.....". (Kluger, 39) I have often wondered if the child that is in the corner playing by himself or the little girl that screams like a she bat when you talk to her, had some kind of emotional issues or if their parents did, to let them act out in that way. Maybe this is my answer.

                                                                       

works cited

Kluger, Jeffrey. "Small Child, Big Worries." Time 21 March 2011: 38-39. Print.

A little bit Stronger

 When something so traumatic happens in your life and daily routines, like a devastating breakup or divorce you never get over it. It is haunting and always in the back of your mind in someways. It changes you in ways that you can't imagine. The child in you truly dies, the innocent happiness that was always there is gone. It's like the monster in your closet has come out to verify that he does exist.
Sara Evans sings a song "A little bit stronger" and I loved it the minute I heard it. It takes you to that place of hurt and healing during a breakup. She sings of how it is so hard at first to get out bed but eventually the hurt is lessened by time and your thoughts start to turn towards the future. She mentions in one of the last lines of the song, "How's it feel without me baby." You know at this point she is starting to turn around, a little bit of anger is showing up and she is telling herself that it wasn't all her fault. When she sings the lines of the chorus.
" And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger"
This is when you know you are getting stronger. It isn't when you buy the new outfit, lose a bunch of weight and start brushing your teeth again. It is when you can say I am done hoping(he is coming back), I'm done hurting and worrying about what that person is going to do or say next, It is really when you can look at yourself on the inside and say, "Yes, I am getting stronger."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk

extra credit blog (pathos)

     I am going to write about Sara Evans song, "A little bit stronger." My main reason is when I first heard it it almost brought me to tears and I am not a weepy willow. I felt the emotions coming from her voice and it struck me that we must all feel the same feelings when going through a really difficult time.
     I plan on researching a little bit and see who the writer was and hopefully find out their story or if it was just something written on a whim, if it was Sara then I want to see what inspired her, was it her divorce or is it just that heartache and breakups sell music. I am also just ask a bunch of my friends what they feel, as far as emotional reaction when they hear this song. I am really curious how this relates to the how we react to certain traumatic events that might happen in our lives.
    

A slightly odd Generation Gap

     In looking of the cover Generation Me by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D, I supposed that this book was going to be about men and women and how they relate to each other, going by the picture on the cover. There stood a young woman, I assumed young because nothing seemed to be sagging or wrinkled, with a belly button ring, Ipod or phone in her pocket, jeans just above her goodies and what is suppose to look like a tattoo across her mid-drift. However, when I included the text below, I was even more disappointed, that's right, disappointed. I thought it was going to be another sob story about someone that had their dreams crushed and they would blubber on and on about how life really sucked for them and their parents never treated them right, because they didn't get the love, support, car or education they needed and blah, blah, blah. I was wrong. Granted, I am only three chapters in, but I am finding I like the book. It gets tedious in places, but hey, who am I to judge. I like how much I can relate to what the author is saying, not surprising with my interest in psychology. I am mostly drawn to chapter three, when she talks about how selfish and single minded we are today, it really hit home. I had to admit to myself I am guilty of this myself, we all are if we think about it, not all of us all the time. But we have to admit, if we are in a hurry we are more than likely to not notice the older lady in line with a few groceries at the check out line that we could let go first. We are so busy with our life and ourselves we don't even think to offer her our place or couldn't possibly give up that precious ten minutes.
     I am not going to say I agree with all of what is in the book. I think I liked the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon the best. In this chapter she speaks about how much infuses is placed on self-esteem. School curriculum's have even been made over. You know this is all fine and good. Let's do that. Then let's sit back and watch our world go down the tubes even further than it is. Why do I say this? Because in my opinion we are raising the most irresponsible, unaccountable, wishy washy group of pansies I have ever laid eyes on. I am not just talking about the children in school either, I know people around my age that don't have the sense nor the gumption to get off their tales and help themselves. I think allot of it is laziness but I know most of it is they don't have any idea how to. They have never had to. I know a man that was forty-five years old, that lived with his mother, did not work, spent his days drinking and smoking pot and his mother worked and supported him. Do you know what she would say when defending him. "Well, his father left us years ago and he never learned how to deal with it." Really? I had to tell her that after forty-five years, I would think he would have at least learned to do a dish or stand in front of a grill and flip a burger. I did,I was fourteen when I learned, Hardees in Savannah, Missouri Ma am. She didn't come back to the salon. I am wondering if this sense of entitlement also has to do with the crime rates. If we as a people expect all these things that are mentioned. Such as college, the great career, nice clothes, nice car and basically a dream life, who's going to pay for it, if there are no morals, values, lessons or standards learned. I think this is when things are taken, stolen, or why people are killed. I wonder if the thought sometimes crosses these criminals minds that I deserve it more than him or I am more worthy of that. You do have to wonder, Is all this self esteem and self worth helping or hindering. I think it should be a thirty minute lesson each day in class that comes right after the progress report for the day, this includes work and school. I don't know just my opinion.

Who am I? Writerly Biography for Jan 20th

     My name is Penny LeAnn Elifrits, 39 years ago in Chillicothe Missouri I was born. The only place I actually remember being from is Fillmore, Missouri. I went to school here from the first grade to graduation day in May of 1989. I was always a little backward and unsure of myself in high school so it made it a little hard. However, Fillmore C-1 was a very small school with a total of twenty-seven high school students my senior year. Talk about an eye opener when I got out into the real world.
      Since those days I have learned that life isn't what is given to you, it is what you take from it. If you don't like what you are doing, change it. If you don't like how someone treats you, it is their problem, never make it yours and if you don't make the first move, someone else will.
      I have been many things in 39 years, a daughter,sister, friend, wife, ex-wife, mother, student, wife, ex-wife, again. I know it is funny but those are very important relationships that have made me who I am. They are all part of what makes me me, what makes me think the way I do about somethings, what makes me feel I am able to have an opinion or voice.
     I am also a full time student and a small business owner. I live in a small town, which I love and hate. I am trying to improve my life and that of my son's. I am hoping that in showing him that no matter what the risk is usually worth it.
     I have been an avid reader for years, it is my escape from the world. I like to get lost in other people's worlds and minds, as long as it is fiction. I am a new member of the non-fiction world, thanks to my english professor in college. I have written very little, some notes here and there and sometimes I would put my thoughts on paper, when they got to jumbled to think through. However, I didn't know the proper way to put them to paper. I guess that is why I like my english classes so much, I love the process and the thought that someone might be interested in what I have to say, it is exciting to me.